Dolla Dolla Bill Yo



Hey guys, hi. It’s been awhile. What’s up?

Not much here, you know, just thinking about money, mostly. Money, money, money. $$$ $$$ $$$ etc, etc.

Money has been clouding my vision a lot lately. Pffffft. What am I saying “lately” for? What is that nonsense? It’s been clouding my vision since I was old enough to drop a coin into the vending machine at Pizza Hut to get a unicorn sticker. It’s a huge, hanging, ominous green cloud. I don’t think I’ve ever gone ONE DAY without thinking about it.

I took to my Facebook the other day to declare my hatred for those cotton flaps that run and ruin our lives. “Money! It’s the root of all evil!”  Lots of people agreed with me, because hey, it’s the truth: Money sucks. Thinking about it sucks. Letting it consume your moments before bed so that you’re counting dollar bills rather than sheep sucks. If you don’t have to worry about it, congratulations for being in that little gold nugget of the world. You’re lucky.

I don’t mean to sound bitter, really, it’s just hard. I don’t want to want money, but I also don’t want to be homeless. “Money doesn’t make you happy.” I get it, I really do. I’m lucky in a whole lot of ways that aren’t in any way affiliated with money. I have them written down right beside my computer so that I remember them daily. But I feel like I spend so much time thinking about my next student loan payment sometimes. It’s valuable time we’re wasting. We shouldn’t have to regret going to college, getting a higher education. I’m tired of feeling like I can’t ever start my life as an independent human because I’m always going to be making payments to the man. You know what I’m talking about, this isn’t news to you. Insurance is expensive, medical bills are expensive, food is expensive, gas is expensive. Yadda Yadda.

This past year I’ve really been trying to save what I can. I splurged on a trip to Disney World, but hey, a girl’s gotta have a little magic here and there, am I right?

So I’ve been able to save more because there’s this little thing I was introduced to called “a budget.” HUH, WHAT, GASP. I know. It’s a frightening word. It’s a boring word. For millennials like us, we don’t want to be chained down to the rows of a checkbook. We want to travel, listen to live concerts, eat fancy things, live the life we want and were destined for! The feminist in me says, a budget? What am I, a 1950s housewife? Sure, I’ll get to that budget, Jim, right after I wash those sauce-covered dishes and iron your underwear. I don’t want to budget my money! I am a free, independent woman. I’ll spend my money how I see fit.

Well, here’s the thing. And I will preface it by saying that I am no ~financier~. I don’t own stocks, I don’t have a certificate of deposit and I definitely don’t enjoy pulling up my bank account online. But I do think we all need to stop that type of thinking — that a budget is some ghastly, abhorrent word. It’s actually pretty important. No, wait, it’s like HUGELY important. It blows my mind that they don’t teach students how to budget their money somewhere within their K-12 education. What is the square root of 10,664? What is the cosine of a 30 degree angle? Oh, I have an idea. WHO THE FUCK CARES. No, really, who.cares. Teach me how to not be poor when I’m older. That’s something that’s really going to affect my life.

Anyway, enough of the venting. We’re all in this together, we’ll get through it. In the meantime, I have some tips. I wish they could be actual money tips for you, like 20 percent of my meal, because I know that would make you happy. Sorry.


— If you have student loan debt (holla), opt for consolidation or income-based payments. Loans are life-ruiners, they will extract every last hope from your scared, shaking body. It will be okay. Maybe. Obama hasn’t told me yet. Pay what you can afford so you can actually live your life.

— Set up a savings account and put a consistent amount in it every month. Hey, it’s got to add up at some point right? Put a little extra in when you can, it will make you feel so good, I promise.

— Supplement your income with something that fulfills you creatively. I do this through my Etsy shop, but there’s opportunities for freelance gigs out there (music, art, writing). You just have to take the time to figure them out. I should be doing this more with my own writing, but alas, life happens. It takes time and energy at the end of the work day that I don’t always have. I feel you. Try not to get yourself down about it.

— Spend money on things that make you happy sometimes. I enjoy a trip to Whole Foods every now and again, a nice block of aged Seaside English Cheddar, new fall boots from Nordstrom or a trip to the sale rack at Anthropologie. You can’t let your lack of income literally overcome you. Make sure to treat yoself sometimes.

— Have a physical budget. It doesn’t have to be fancy — mine is a Word document. Seeing concrete numbers helps. Get all up on that Excel if you’re savvy.

— Sorry, this one is cheesy. Do things in life that don’t revolved around money. Go take a walk in your local forest preserve. Shit, that’s all I got. I literally can’t think of anything else that doesn’t involve money. This one is tough. There is though! And it’s those things that are the most rewarding. Spend time thinking about them.

So there’s my two cents (get it? because it’s a blog about money. ha.) Hopefully it helps or motivates you. But really, we’re all just flying by the seat of our empty-pocketed pants.


Bah Humbug


Photo on 7-17-14 at 6.30 PM

My life has been a fucking mess lately. Scene: Like a Girls episode except I’m not Lena Dunham, and I’m also not in New York City. Oh, I also don’t have a hot manic boyfriend named Adam. And I freaking hate Cool Whip. So, pretty much the only similarity is she also struggles. I STRUGGLE, WE ALL STRUGGLE.

It’s true. Sometimes life deals you weird, terrible, shitty cards. And you’re holding them in your hands, at an imaginary poker table, and you’re like, wait what? Where did these come from? How did I get these cards? These cards are wrong! Take them back, Kevin Spacey!

Let’s back it up a bit.

Just a few short months ago I felt pretty optimistic about my L-I-F-E. I was some dude in an 80s movie with Ray Bans and high-top sneakers giving the thumbs up to everyone around me. I’m envisioning Tom Cruise or maybe Robert Downey Jr. Long story short, I was feeling fly. And I was doing it on my own.

“Here I am, walking down the street! The sun is shining! I have my stuff together! I got this! Summer in the city! my life is GOIN’ GREAT. Watch out, world!”

Yes, my friends, things were coming together. I was writing consistently, treating myself well (mentally AND physically), putting myself back into the dating game, seeing someone new, eating bananas, feeling the sun on my wintered-out skin, dressin’ fancy. YOU KNOW, things that normally signify health and happiness…er something like that.

And then, all of the sudden, they weren’t. Things got strange. Life threw me a ::CLICHE ALERT:: curveball. And I’m not going to get into the specifics of what exactly happened (…but BOYS, IT’S ALWAYS BOYS) that started this bizarre, downward spiral again. Because really, in all honesty, that’s not the point. I let a situation take advantage of me and bring me down. Which is not what a strong ladyGIRL does. I should have been smarter. I should have had my guard up. I should have seen through the act. Shoulda, shoulda, shoulda.

But I didn’t, sadface, and then things got difficult. And I’ve been here for a little while. Hell, I’ve been here lots of times in my life. But the disappointment always feels new. And then you decide to go out, pretend to be happy and carefree and social, and then come back and worry yourself to sleep at night. Wondering, will it ever REALLY get better? Eh, it’s not so great.

So what I want to talk about here is the ascent. Which is what I’m struggling with right now.

Yes, ladies and gents, that glorious ascent back into awesomeness.

And it can be done, but it’s super hard and annoying because you’re like, I just had everything, and I was HAPPY, and now I have to start AGAIN?! Yes, it’s stupid. Life is weird. There’s no denying the fact that it sucks to feel like you’re at the bottle of some old, rusty barrel again.

I want to start to climb back out once more. To open myself up to new things and places and people and eat those damn bananas again. And shine from the inside out. Because I know I’m capable of it, and I also know I’m 26 and I’m young and in my prime. I should be clicking my kitten heels and wearing bubblegum-hued lipstick and drinking Moscow mules. There’s no point getting hung up on people or things that won’t matter when everything is weighed in a balance. The people who care about you and have your best interests in mind will stay.

I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. The point of this blog is simple: If you get pushed down by some dildo who’s out to make your life a living nightmare, you get back up. Because you gotta. Because you’re awesome.